I wish my mother had aborted me
A piece appeared in the Guardian a few days ago with the provocative title: I wish my mother had aborted me.
The sheer scale and passion of responses to this article is quite staggering.
The essence of the piece is that the author’s mother would have had a better life if she’d opted for abortion, and the author herself wouldn’t have had to endure such a shit life.
This has been met largely with absolute derision in both the pro-choice and pro-life camps. It’s been described as: self-pitying, woe-is-me, fallacious, illogical, Liberal self-loathing, nihilistic, lies.
Some pro-choicer’s have viewed this is a powerful and cogent response to pro-life anecdotes and ‘emotional blackmail’.
The thing is, this piece resonated powerfully with me in a very sad way.
I don’t really care if this essay is a pro-choice shot in the foot, a pro-life victory, or whatever; this is what stood out for me:
The world would not be a darker or poorer place without me. Actually, in terms of contributions to the world, I am a net loss. Everything that I have done – including parenting, teaching, researching, and being a loving partner – could have been done as well, if not better by other people. Any positive contributions that I have made are completely offset by what it has cost society to help me overcome the disadvantages and injuries of my childhood to become a functional and contributing member of society.
If the author really means this, then in reality this piece is nothing to do with abortion, but is a reflection of a deeply and profoundly psychologically damaged person.
I should know; I’m assailed with such thoughts regularly.
This is not about a foot-stomping “I didn’t ask to be born” sentiment; this is about honestly and sincerely believing the world would have been a better place if you’d not existed.
This isn’t self-loathing, this is a profound, dark, deep, sadness. This is tragedy, a place that would terrify you if you knew it intimately.
In all of the pontificating on this article nobody has even acknowledged in passing, or touched on, this aspect. Oh, there’s plenty in comboxes, ridiculing and deriding her ‘insanity’ and stating that if she really believed this stuff she’d have killed herself already.
This pain belongs to this woman, and believe me it really is agonising to think and believe in this manner, even if for just brief episodes.
Many of you will not even understand what I’m driving at and your life is all the better for that. Some may view this type of thinking as a slap in the face of God, or loved ones; a rejection of the gift of life if you will. That makes no difference. It doesn’t matter how you logic it out in your mind; if you are wired to have these intruding thoughts; there’s little you can do about it.
I can understand why this article has evoked such response and passion, but one thing it has not elicited; is compassion.
I feel for this woman and all who think and believe as she does.
And before you judge; remember, hopefully, you aren’t living with this.
Tags: Mental Health
August 17th, 2012 at 3:17 pm
I havent read the article – I wish the Guardian would be aborted.
But I have read your post and I found it very moving.
August 17th, 2012 at 3:25 pm
What a thoughtful and honest post: thank you Stuart.
August 17th, 2012 at 4:08 pm
“And before you judge; remember, hopefully, you aren’t living with this.” – webmaster.
Think you are wrong webmaster this is self-loathing and hatered projected onto a particular socioeconomic strata.
Has to be a propaganda piece as this is straight-out of American progressive left/right-wing thinking raw genocide for the underclass and the rule of a scholarly elite.
“If nothing else, getting an abortion would have saved her from plunging into poverty. She likely would have stayed in the same socioeconomic strata as her parents and grandparents who were professors.”
“Get ‘Em Out by Friday”, anyone for IDS welfare reform?
August 17th, 2012 at 4:11 pm
If Goy is right (I still won’t read the piece!) then this is what I call ‘concern porn’ and it is something the Guardian is particularly guilty of.
They take working class/downtrodden people and objectify them, in a way that simultaneously suggests pity and contempt…
QRG
August 17th, 2012 at 8:58 pm
“The world would not be a darker or poorer place without me. Actually, in terms of contributions to the world, I am a net loss. Everything that I have done – including parenting, teaching, researching, and being a loving partner – could have been done as well, if not better by other people. Any positive contributions that I have made are completely offset by what it has cost society to help me overcome the disadvantages and injuries of my childhood to become a functional and contributing member of society.”
I don’t know if it is the reflection of a deeply psychologically damaged person. I could say the most of the same words quite genuinely. I can honestly say that I love my life and think and hope I offer a lot to society and am cherished by my nearest and dearest. But so do others offer and lot and so are other deeply cherished, just as much as I am, some of them less, some of them more.
Surely having a sense of your own (ultimate) insignificance in the wider picture is compatible with being perfectly healthy and well balanced?
August 18th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
There is a view that many of those who suffer from depression do so because they are the ones who understand their existence as it really is – a largely painful and ultimately pointless event. Everyone else has mastered the art of ‘beneficial self-delusion’…
I very much agree with your last sentence, Sue; and it was an understanding of the significance of this that lifted a great weight from my shoulders.
August 18th, 2012 at 11:38 pm
It seems to me that the writer is measuring their worth as being that which contributes to ‘society’ whatever that may be.
Surely the christian view here, is not we may or may not be of value to society but that we are of value to, and loved by God – so much so, that if there was just one person who had sinned then Jesus would have thought them worth dying for.
August 19th, 2012 at 11:38 am
Interestingly Simian, I am someone who suffered with depression (usually moderate, though I had one severe episode) in younger life but haven’t been troubled with it for the last decade or more or least. I think having accepted myself helps but also reaching a point when I see myself as both deeply loved and worthwhile (to God, my family etc)and at the same time ultimately completely insignificant!
All the best understandings are reached through paradox!