Scrupulosity, Canonical Law, Self-loathing and Salvific Wobbles
I’m currently traversing a period of particularly intense self-loathing. This is not all that unusual for me and the most disturbing aspect is the salvific wobbles. No matter how much I reason out in my brain, it persists, but I know from experience it will soon remedy.
Interestingly, I was recently inroduced to a psychological phenomena called Scrupulosity. This is a psychological disorder characterized by pathological guilt about moral or religious issues.
Now, I’m not saying that I suffer from this…..well….not much anyway.
This from Wiki:
In scrupulosity, a person’s obsessions focus on moral or religious fears, such as the fear of being an evil person or the fear of divine retribution for sin.
The Wiki article goes on to cite potential sufferers as including such great names as: Luther, Thérèse of Lisieux and Bunyan.
Fascinating. I’ll have to investigate this further.
On a different note, I recently posted about my Rite of Election in which I noted:
All of this is leading up to the Easter Vigil, in which I will be formally received into the Catholic Church, confirmed, and take first communion – God willing.
Due to canonical reasons that are a little personal and far too boring to detail here, it is increasingly looking as though I will not be ready to be received into the Church by Easter.
Strangely, instead of feeling down about this, I feel rather relieved, as the pressure is now off.
I was given the potentiality of by-passing said canonical inhibitors, however, I have declined.
One of the primary reasons for being attracted to Catholicism, is the very fact that the Church has fixed rules and regulations for governance that are not prone to be blown around by every wind of zeitgeist.
To then opt for a canonical “fudge” in my own particular case, would be to undermine the very reasoning underpinning joining the Church.
I have opted for impropriety in the distant past and am determined to ensure this particular journey be free from such.
Tags: Christian Life
March 17th, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Sending you lots of love, hugs and prayers.
March 18th, 2011 at 8:49 am
Sorry to hear you’re going through the mill. Remember to rest up and eat properly. People who are tired and overworked — and most of us are — are vulnerable to this sortof thing.
Self-loathing is something I delegate to those to around me in the office: they hate themselves for working with me, or hate me for working with them. At least that’s what it says on my annual report.
March 18th, 2011 at 9:49 am
Our vulnerability is part of being human. If we loose this sensitivity then we loose some of our “God likeness”.
Over the years I have found that these pressure points often come before a time of blessing. Maybe something to do with the Ancient Enemy, one of his names is ‘The Accuser of God’s people’ (Revelation 12 v. 10). Remember ‘Perfect love casts out fear’ – that is God’s love, given by His Holy Spirit.
My love and prayers as you prepare for this next step on your spiritual journey.