Comments on: Vicar defends secular funeral comments – Father Ed Tomlinson, vicar of St Barnabas, wrote on his church’s blog earlier in the month that an increasing number of humanist funerals were taking place, while the traditional Christian funeral was being pushed to the margins.

By: Joshua Bullen

Joshua Bullen — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:00:58 +0000

I’m a Funeral Director, and I think this Individual minister should perhaps be suggesting Humanist officiants to carry out the funerals where secular music and content is more appropriate to the bereaved family. It is entirely his choice whether or not to take the funeral service, and he should be perhaps not accepting to do some types of service if he feels so strongly about this issue. Some Humanist/Secular celebrants offer the family to sing a hymn if they wish, which they do not have to do. so I think it only fair for this minister to allow the family to have a musical tribute to fit the life of the person who they are gathering to remember.
Mr. J. Bullen, Funeral Director, AC Atwell Ltd (Independent Funeral Directors), Birmingham UK

By: Joyce Hallmark

Joyce Hallmark — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:58:12 +0000

I sympathise with Father Tomlinson, but I feel the Church should reach out with comfort when given the chance, whatever the style of ceremony. Secular funerals I’ve attended recently, to which I cannot relate, make me fear my dear non-Christian friends & relatives will feel very awkward at mine. My funeral will have this wonderful John Donne quote: “iAll mankinde is of one Author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one Chapter is not torne out of the booke, but translated into a better language.”
I’ve included a hymn for me: “Jesus lives! thy terrors now” & for the non-Christian mourners, …”Faith love hope ..And the best is love.” I’ve spared them an unfamiliar psalm.
I agree the Church is partly responsible for taking away the poetry to be “with it” – I’ve found a church which still has BCP services, & hymns whose words fit the music.
I’m a rebel & a communist, yet I glory in the powerful beauty of the Christian tradition which is a part of my history. Still, I feel I have to justify inflicting religion on my mourners!

By: D West

D West — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:15:47 +0000

Today, people’s values are different and people expect something different. I personally love classical music, but everyone has different genres they prefer. I always thought a funeral was about celebrating a person’s life and if they were a fan of Tina Turner and would of wanted that played at their funeral then why not? I agree it is sad to see some people do not want any Christian content, but why is that? Why would Wagner’s Siegfried’s Funeral march be rejected? I am sure it could have been included in some way with some creativity. Be grateful people are using cremation funerals and not pushing burial funerals to the limit. The thought of being put into a shared grave is enough to want to make anyone ‘sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong’….

By: David Parsons (Rev)

David Parsons (Rev) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 08:43:16 +0000

I am a retired Baptist minister who has conducted many funerals. I am far from the tame compliant elderly minister which Father Tomlinson derides and consider it a privilege to be invited to stand alongside someone at such a crisis and with a far more significant role than Father Tomlinson realizes.
I find it curious in the extreme to know what Father Tomlinson’s experience of cremation and funeral services has been. In my experience funeral directors don’t impose a clergyman on anyone and usually present the options of different types of rites to mourners. Therefore the presence of a clergyman at a service will have some element of request in it. Also, I am aware that funeral directors sometimes have difficulty actually finding an available clergyman which may account for the number of retired clergymen who often conduct the services.
To come alongside someone who is mourning is not only a privilege but an opportunity. By the quality and authenticity of love shown at such a time the gospel is preached with more than words.
At the service itself not only personal reflections may be given but some of the great words of scripture are usually read – and if we believe that the scriptures are somehow God’s word, even a little scripture can be very powerful in itself.
I wouldn’t deny the comfort that songs by Tina Turner et al can bring. For mourners to leave a funeral/cremation feeling they have been listened to, accepted and cared for can open doors we can never imagine.
Father Tomlinson may be a little paranoic about secular rites. It may be that they are on the increase but that doesn’t mean that secularism is increasing, it simply means that people are more open about opting for alternatives. In my experience the current spiritual state of the nation is actually quite complex. There is influence from new age, other world religions and various influences from the internet. It’s far from being all about secularism, although there are disturbing trends in areas which it isn’t relevant to comment about here.
I hope I can continue to minister to those God gives me the privilege to come alongside, I’m Jesus to them

By: Jeannie Smith

Jeannie Smith — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:36:20 +0000

Dear Father Tomlinson
I am a Humanist, but have respect for anyone who holds a religious view. Just as I would not dream of stopping theists from holding their choice of funeral, I find it offensive that you believe that non believers must have a religious ceremony just because of your beliefs. Earlier this year I attended a Humanist funeral at an outdoor green burial site. The ceremony was thoughtful and beautiful. I would challenge anyone not to have been moved. Neither the deceased or her family held religious beliefs, and to have included prayer and hymns would have been bizarre. We all remembered her with a smile on her face despite many trials in life, so the choice of ‘Happiness’ by Ken Dodd, although unusual was incredibly apt, more so than any hymn I know, and brought a tear of happy memory to all of us. Please do not judge all non believers as shallow, and without feelings. We are all human!
Jeannie x

By: Sheila Joyce

Sheila Joyce — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:28:54 +0000

Greetings in Jesus name;
Just came upon your post & if at all appropriate, let me know if I could share my story of losing my best-friend/hubby 30 months ago now.
It has truly been the most difficult journey of my entire life, but, the close walk with Christ, I couldn’t & would never give up, as He has truly carried me this entire way.
Blessings to you all.