Vicar defends secular funeral comments – Father Ed Tomlinson, vicar of St Barnabas, wrote on his church’s blog earlier in the month that an increasing number of humanist funerals were taking place, while the traditional Christian funeral was being pushed to the margins.
by Brian Hutt – Christian Today
Father Ed Tomlinson, vicar of St Barnabas, wrote on his church’s blog earlier in the month that an increasing number of humanist funerals were taking place, while the traditional Christian funeral was being pushed to the margins.
“In the last few years it has become painfully obvious that many families I have conducted funerals for have absolutely no desire for any Christian content whatsoever,” said Fr Tomlinson.
“I have stood at the crem like a lemon, wondering why on earth I am present at the funeral of somebody led in by the tunes of Tina Turner, summed up in pithy platitudes of sentimental and secular poets and sent into the furnace with ‘I Did It My Way’ blaring out across the speakers!”
He added: “To be brutally honest I can think of a hundred better ways of spending my time as a priest on God’s earth. What is the point of my being present if spiritually unwanted?”
Fr Tomlinson went on to question the quality of funeral for non-believers, commenting that while Christians still had the liturgy of the requiem mass to look forward to, the best secularists could hope for was “a poem from nan combined with a saccharine message from a pop star before being popped in the oven with no hope of resurrection”.
Fr Tomlinson said that priests in Britain were no longer in demand and that secularism had led to “dwindling funeral syndrome”.
“Christian funerals are only offered if explicitly requested. Today the norm is to place the liturgy in the hands of a humanist provider or ancient crumbling cleric who will do as told, in short those who will not trouble undertakers with unavailability. This is a fact that leaves me with rather mixed emotions,” he wrote.
“On the one hand I am saddened to discover yet another arena of life in which the church is moved from the centre to the margins.
“I am equally troubled that pastoral care is being left in the hands of those whose main aim is to make money. And I am further concerned that an opportunity for evangelism is slipping through our fingers.
“Atheists and secularists might delight in this fact but is it really the victory they imagine?”
Denise Cantor-Kaydar of CRUSE Bereavement Care, which offers support for people affected by death, said the vicar’s comments were “insensitive”.
“Bereavement isn’t funny. We all mourn in different ways and try to select the kind of burial the person would have wanted,” she said.
In a blog posting today, Fr Tomlinson said he had not intended to attack those who mourn but rather to raise an important question about what funerals are for.
He said: “It is precisely because I do care about people, living and departed, that I spoke out.
“It is my passionate belief that a requiem mass and the Christian prayers of ‘commendation and committal’ are not mere aesthetic choices in a market place of funeral options.
“Rather something real and significant is happening, on earth and in heaven, when these take place. Because I am a priest, I want to point the way to Jesus Christ.
“Naturally there will be those who disagree with my beliefs, I think they should have the right to exercise this choice even though I believe them to be misguided.
“But if this is your position, why invite me to the party?”
FURTHER INTERNET RESOURCE
‘Popped in the oven with no hope of resurrection’: It’s your funeral, Vicar!
Vicar complains of ‘feeling like a lemon at pithy funerals which blare out My Way’
Vicar fed up with Tina Turner songs and ‘nan’s poetry’ at funerals
Father Ed of Tunbridge Wells is an insufferable snob
A Kent priest has expressed his dismay at the number of funerals he leads with little or no Christian content.
Tina Turner and a ‘me’ generation that no longer knows how to cope with death
UPDATE – PLEASE SEE THIS LOVELY RESPONSE FROM THE ED TOMLINSON BLOG
If you have stumbled onto this blog please do take a few moments to read the following piece:- Echoes of GodThe last 24hrs has been bewildering! There have been photographers on the doorstep both at home and at church. The phone has barely stopped ringing and whenever I have left the house I have felt conspicous. Thank the Lord it was my words, and not some naughty deed, that grabbed the nation’s attention, if only for a day!
Had I played ball I could have begun yesterday with the Today programme, moved to the GMTV sofa and racked up appearances on Radio 2, 4, 5 Live, London, Premiere, Kent which would only have added to television spots with SKY, BBC, ITV and Meridian. Even the papers in America and New Zealand have been trying to get hold of me. Not the most relaxing environment for a wife just 8 days from giving birth!! Sadly the one show I really wanted- Have I Got News for You – never rung! So bad luck press….better luck next time. I will, of course, happily talk to you concerning any OTHER given subject should you want a priest in the future.
So why hide? Mainly because the local press had shattered my trust. Rather than raising the point I made, concerning the spiritual vaccuum when Christ is removed from funerals, they ran instead with the ‘nasty vicar’ tag. A fact that hurt me deeply, not least because they know how hard I have been working to make the S. Barnabas’ community a better place. Why were the opening of the pre-school, my work with the primary school and plans to build a community centre totally overlooked? Why did they portray me as ‘out of touch’ when they KNOW I have been at the heart of a congregation that has doubled in recent years? These wounds were cut deeper by Meridian TV, who also ignored my point, crassly interviewing locals who had chosen pop music at funerals, simply to make me look ‘out of touch’. A cheap shot we call it on the rugby field! Why do they miss the point when almost all those commenting on websites, both atheist and Christian get it and agree?
Fortunately the Telegraph, Daily Mail, Express and Guardian were more balanced. Indeed the Mail today contains a reflection from A N Wilson which makes all the pain worthwhile. Read it here. Alleluia! Somebody who is interested in what I was trying to say!! He would delight in the fact that no copies of the modern Anglican liturgies have ever darkened these doors!
The Times was less impressive. Why did Ruth Gledhill find it necessary to highlight my support of Forward in Faith and opposition to women in holy orders on principled theological lines in accordance with the teaching of the church throughout the ages? I felt this said far more about her than me, after all it had absolutely nothing to do with the item!! I cannot help but wonder if her own feelings on this contentious issue influenced her decision to launch a scathing attack? pity as I always rather like her reporting and, as one who claims to be Christian, I would have thought she might have elevated my point.
Finally a huge thank you to the Church of England bishops for coming out in support and, like A N Wilson, using this opportunity to stand up for Jesus and his power to heal the grieving and departed. Oh sorry! My mistake….they let me take the heat alone. How much this says about the current malais in the church leadership that Wilson rightly discerns! And how much we already miss +Michael Nazir Ali!
Fortunately a Roman Catholic bishop did send me a message of support, along with literally hundreds of Christians in sympathy with my stand. Thank you to all those of you who are included in that number and especially Giles Walter, vicar of S. Johns, who popped in to see me. Finally thanks also to the pleasant media reps who dealt with me politely and respected my wishes. What a storm in a teacup!
Tags: Church Life
October 20th, 2009 at 4:28 am
Greetings in Jesus name;
Just came upon your post & if at all appropriate, let me know if I could share my story of losing my best-friend/hubby 30 months ago now.
It has truly been the most difficult journey of my entire life, but, the close walk with Christ, I couldn’t & would never give up, as He has truly carried me this entire way.
Blessings to you all.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Dear Father Tomlinson
I am a Humanist, but have respect for anyone who holds a religious view. Just as I would not dream of stopping theists from holding their choice of funeral, I find it offensive that you believe that non believers must have a religious ceremony just because of your beliefs. Earlier this year I attended a Humanist funeral at an outdoor green burial site. The ceremony was thoughtful and beautiful. I would challenge anyone not to have been moved. Neither the deceased or her family held religious beliefs, and to have included prayer and hymns would have been bizarre. We all remembered her with a smile on her face despite many trials in life, so the choice of ‘Happiness’ by Ken Dodd, although unusual was incredibly apt, more so than any hymn I know, and brought a tear of happy memory to all of us. Please do not judge all non believers as shallow, and without feelings. We are all human!
Jeannie x
October 21st, 2009 at 9:43 am
I am a retired Baptist minister who has conducted many funerals. I am far from the tame compliant elderly minister which Father Tomlinson derides and consider it a privilege to be invited to stand alongside someone at such a crisis and with a far more significant role than Father Tomlinson realizes.
I find it curious in the extreme to know what Father Tomlinson’s experience of cremation and funeral services has been. In my experience funeral directors don’t impose a clergyman on anyone and usually present the options of different types of rites to mourners. Therefore the presence of a clergyman at a service will have some element of request in it. Also, I am aware that funeral directors sometimes have difficulty actually finding an available clergyman which may account for the number of retired clergymen who often conduct the services.
To come alongside someone who is mourning is not only a privilege but an opportunity. By the quality and authenticity of love shown at such a time the gospel is preached with more than words.
At the service itself not only personal reflections may be given but some of the great words of scripture are usually read – and if we believe that the scriptures are somehow God’s word, even a little scripture can be very powerful in itself.
I wouldn’t deny the comfort that songs by Tina Turner et al can bring. For mourners to leave a funeral/cremation feeling they have been listened to, accepted and cared for can open doors we can never imagine.
Father Tomlinson may be a little paranoic about secular rites. It may be that they are on the increase but that doesn’t mean that secularism is increasing, it simply means that people are more open about opting for alternatives. In my experience the current spiritual state of the nation is actually quite complex. There is influence from new age, other world religions and various influences from the internet. It’s far from being all about secularism, although there are disturbing trends in areas which it isn’t relevant to comment about here.
I hope I can continue to minister to those God gives me the privilege to come alongside, I’m Jesus to them
October 21st, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Today, people’s values are different and people expect something different. I personally love classical music, but everyone has different genres they prefer. I always thought a funeral was about celebrating a person’s life and if they were a fan of Tina Turner and would of wanted that played at their funeral then why not? I agree it is sad to see some people do not want any Christian content, but why is that? Why would Wagner’s Siegfried’s Funeral march be rejected? I am sure it could have been included in some way with some creativity. Be grateful people are using cremation funerals and not pushing burial funerals to the limit. The thought of being put into a shared grave is enough to want to make anyone ‘sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong’….
October 24th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I sympathise with Father Tomlinson, but I feel the Church should reach out with comfort when given the chance, whatever the style of ceremony. Secular funerals I’ve attended recently, to which I cannot relate, make me fear my dear non-Christian friends & relatives will feel very awkward at mine. My funeral will have this wonderful John Donne quote: “iAll mankinde is of one Author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one Chapter is not torne out of the booke, but translated into a better language.”
I’ve included a hymn for me: “Jesus lives! thy terrors now” & for the non-Christian mourners, …”Faith love hope ..And the best is love.” I’ve spared them an unfamiliar psalm.
I agree the Church is partly responsible for taking away the poetry to be “with it” – I’ve found a church which still has BCP services, & hymns whose words fit the music.
I’m a rebel & a communist, yet I glory in the powerful beauty of the Christian tradition which is a part of my history. Still, I feel I have to justify inflicting religion on my mourners!
November 20th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I’m a Funeral Director, and I think this Individual minister should perhaps be suggesting Humanist officiants to carry out the funerals where secular music and content is more appropriate to the bereaved family. It is entirely his choice whether or not to take the funeral service, and he should be perhaps not accepting to do some types of service if he feels so strongly about this issue. Some Humanist/Secular celebrants offer the family to sing a hymn if they wish, which they do not have to do. so I think it only fair for this minister to allow the family to have a musical tribute to fit the life of the person who they are gathering to remember.
Mr. J. Bullen, Funeral Director, AC Atwell Ltd (Independent Funeral Directors), Birmingham UK